Friends- Balcony Women

Guest post on Balcony Women.

Read post here: https://balconywomen.com/blogs/news/balcony-woman-srsly-melissa

"Friends, what a loaded word. When we are younger, we want ALL the FRIENDS! We chase them, literally on the playground. I always would chase for a second and then maybe fake an injury 😊 haha (I’m kind of kidding).

I remember about 10ish years ago I would tell people, “I want one new friend a year” and IT WOULD HAPPEN.  I always made a new friend every year. I’m not talking about a new follower on social media, that’s fun and all, but I was talking about someone I would let in, someone I would invest in, and someone I would let come to my house when it was messy 😊 (you ladies know what I mean by that!!).

Then as I’ve gotten into my mid-40’s, things have shifted.  We don’t have to be besties in order to invest, encourage and let in. Hear me out! Women need women.  We need to be able to say kind words and encourage from afar. We don’t have recess anymore, playgrounds to run on, or monkey bars to fall off of. What we do have is our WORDS, thoughts and opinions AND those can be just as dangerous as the monkey bars! (trust me).

Balcony Women? What in the world is that!? Well, they are the women who stand in the balcony of YOUR LIFE and cheer you on!! And isn’t it interesting that Balconies are usually small. NOT tiny, but not oversized either.

I personally have a pretty full balcony! Oh, how blessed I am.  I don’t say that to brag, I say that because that is a lot of investing, a lot of laughter, a lot of tears, and most of all a lot of scripture being shared. We should all stop right now, grab a pencil and paper, and jot down who is in your balcony. Ask these 3 simple questions:

1. Who encourages me when I doubt myself?

2. Who points me to Jesus?

3. Who listens without judgment?

 There could be more questions but I feel those are the main ones.

AND ARE you standing in anyone’s Balcony?

Flip that piece of paper over and ask yourself:

1. Do I encourage other women?

2. When I am called, texted or emailed do I share Jesus at all?

3. Do I listen to just reply or do I really LISTEN without sharing my opinion immediately?

I will end with this. In this thing we call life, we only have a certain amount of time. I want to be in as many balconies as I can. In a way, I want to stay in the balcony of life. This does not mean I will always be on the mountain top, but with Jesus I can always be encouraging. Maybe just a smile, maybe just an ear or a simple whisper, “I know…I hear you and I’m here”.

Have you ever been at a sporting event and saw how different people cheer on the SAME GAME?  Watch next time it’s interesting! We have the YELLERS, we have the ones who SHOUT, mostly at the wrong time, we have the clappers, and we have the ones who just sit and watch and every once in a while they look at their neighbor and say,”YES!”

Not everyone is the same type of encourager. Everyone’s balcony will look and sound different. THAT’S OK.

Just be at the game….be engaged…watch….!

Don’t compare! If you are watching other women and their balcony YOU, my sweet friend, will miss the game. " - Srsly Melissa

A special note from Balcony Women.  We were blessed to have Melissa as the featured guest speaker at one of our events.  She is hilarious and she uses that gift to share a message of hope and encouragement.  We immediately had a Balcony Women bond with her and we know you will too.  You can follow her on Facebook at @srslyMelissa

Shoe Sale

I am a new Christian, and I have done a lot of thinking. I keep asking myself one question:

“How can I explain this journey, and have everyone understand…?” I have come up with one way to hopefully explain.

I think that buying and wearing brand new shoes is the best way to explain my journey. We all have bought new shoes that don’t fit perfectly. Well when I became a Christian I felt like it just didn’t fit at first. I have had shoes that are too tight, but I continue to walk in them because I know (as I hope you all do) that if you keep walking THEY WILL get comfortable…it’s almost a guarantee. I feel like I walked funny in the beginning of my Walk with the Lord. I didn’t know how to pray, I never knew the words to any of the songs, and clapping IN CHURCH was the most uncomfortable….BUT with God’s help I kept walking. Have you ever watched a pair of shoes go down in price? I mean seriously watch them, and when they finally get to your “drive out” price you buy them and you almost can’t believe you ACTUALLY HAVE THEM ON!!! Being a new Christian and learning about the grace and mercy that Jesus has for us is a lot like that, I have looked in the mirror and said WOW he really loves me, just the way I am. I actually can wear these shoes…I am good enough! Have you ever looked at someone else and thought, “There is no way THAT would ever look good on me.” I feel that way sometimes being a Christian. It just looks better on other people, they must pray better then me or they must really know someone UP THERE. Have you ever met a Christian that just makes it look easy? They can quote scripture; they even pray OUTLOUD without messing up. I call this person the High Heel Christian, she is very put together and is also very confident in Christianity, but if she shoes come off she may feel a little lost.

I hate to admit this but I have lost a shoe before! What a horrible feeling…I know I have seen it somewhere but I just can’t figure out where. Sometimes I feel lost as a new Christian, like recently just finding out what ‘equally yoked’ really meant…I had no idea it had nothing to do with getting the same amount of eggs at IHOP. Don’t you wish you could just borrow someone else’s shoes for awhile, because yours feel so uncomfortable? Jesus wants my walk with Him to be very personal; he wants me to know Him personally. I can’t cheat the process and live through someone else’s journey.

I also have to surround myself with other people who wear shoes. It’s important that I have someone in my circle of friends that will be honest and say, “Honey those shoes look horrible-please never wear them again!” I like to call this person a Boot Christian; she will get in the middle of everything and make sure you are on the right path. She does have a vulnerable side, but it may take a long time to see. I’m still learning what type of Christian I am. I am hoping that I am more of a Tennis Shoe Christian…I want to be comfortable, I want to run where Jesus tells me to, I want to always be prepared in prayer. I know that the Tennis Shoe doesn’t always match everything I wear, but in Christ I match everything and everyone. With Him on my side, I cannot go wrong.

Now I know that being a Christian is way more rewarding then wearing new shoes, but I have to think that if we try and keep things simple, and not try to complicate Jesus, that maybe, just maybe more of us will buy more shoes and be proud to wear them.

His Week > My week

My first month as a Christian was July 2007....nothing real Godly about July....The biggest change was well.....

I laid out by the pool while reading the Bible. That was HUGE to me.

I went through Christmas....in awe. Understanding really what happen. He was born so that HE could die for me.

Chills.

Christmas Eve service: child-like doesn't quite explain it but WOW I sat with my mouth open. Starring at all the people. Thinking of that day 2000 years. I was and still am like a kid. I look around a lot. Asking questions.

Then my first Easter came.

I should have bought a t-shirt with "Baby's 1st Easter" on it!!

Ya'll, I wept at the thought that Jesus didn't stay in that tomb. He was alive! He is alive! I remember after my first Easter service saying to someone (most likely an innocent stranger who HAPPEN to sit by this new baby Christian....) I said, "Oh my gosh...why don't we celebrate Easter in a bigger way??? I mean I know being born from a virgin is a big deal BUT COMING BACK TO LIFE....seriously THAT is something to put a tree up for....”

That person just smiled and walked away. I think I scared them.

I also remember a couple days AFTER Easter asking one of my Pastor friends, "So um if Jesus is Alive...where is He right now...?"

Let me just say, "THANK YOU JESUS FOR PUTTING SUCH AMAZING FRIENDS IN MY PATH TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS WITHOUT GIGGLING....."

I am paralyzed sometimes at the thoughts I have of this week.

I find myself thinking about Jesus and His week compared to mine.

I know I have off Friday.

He knew He was being crucified.

I prepare for Easter, buying stuff.

He prepared for His Resurrection.

“After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.
The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.”

So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. “Greetings,” he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me.” (NIV)”

— Matthew 28:1-10 

Lord, Thank you for making me very aware of you. I apologize that during this week I let the planning and busyness take away from what YOU were doing this week. I will continue to take a couple minutes, close my eyes and picture your sweet face going to the cross. Thank you Jesus. Thank you!

Running even when your not being chased

I am a new runner....if you know me you know how NEW I really am. It's pretty sad when you have to google "running new start breathe" to even get started with the process.

I learned that there is a process, and if you don't follow it perfectly you can be in DANGER-sounds scary-huh? Tell me about it.....

I print out the instructions and I wish they would have NOT let me read ahead-but I did.....

and whoever wrote these instructions is a very excited runner who has never doubted herself a day in her life...

"In just 9 short weeks you will be running 3 miles"

"9 weeks huh.....OK!", I said still standing at the printer.

You start out with 60 seconds of running and then 90 seconds of walking and you do THIS back and forth for 20 minutes. pretty easy huh? I couldn't wait to get started-really.

SO-I made the Acadamy trip-we have all made this trip-I was even walking differently when I went-I was a runner and I was acting like one. I was confident and I knew what I wanted.

Instead of walking around the store I decided to ask someone b/c I didn't want to get winded.....

I asked, "Yes I need a new stop watch-mine broke" I did NOT want to sound NEW.

They pointed me in the direction and I WAS OFF.....to go and search for my new best friend.

WOW----if no one has ever searched for a stop watch you are in for a surprise. They had everything you could think of except for the one that RAN FOR YOU...don't worry I looked.

After searching for almost 30 minutes I started to sweat because they didn't have the air on in there-because we are athletes and we DON'T care about air, I finally found one.

Now I needed a new shirt-a running shirt-because I had to look amazing and a new shirt can make you run faster.....well Academy does not carry plus sizes, I am guessing because once you make it to that store you should have already lost your weight, needless to say I was upset.

I ended up buying a men's T-Shirt that was actually perfect and on sale. All this for a 60 second run.

While waiting in the check out line I ended up picking up some "Energy Beans" I know I couldn't believe I found those so quickly, but finding the right stopwatch was so difficult.

After eating them I learned that they just gave me that sugar high that I can get with any kind of JELLY BEANS....the picture of the "ENERGY" Bean on the package with the sweat band on threw me off. "ok?"

I was ready.

I looked like a runner.

I sounded like a runner (iPod Shuffle was charged)

I could keep time like a runner (stop watch)

I WAS A RUNNER

I get to the track and I am ready to BE A RUNNER....I go to a high-school track around my house and if there is something going on at the school I cannot get on the track....well I drive there, I am pumped and ready...THE ENERGY BEANS HAVE KICKED IN!

And-yes you guessed it something was going on AT THE TRACK.....

SO-I went home and started the real journey the next morning.....

I DID purchase a Jump Rope though and did that (whatever you wanna call it) for 12 seconds, I was NOT going to let all that prepping go to waste.......I drank Vitamin water and went to bed!

What an amazing start to this amazing journey!

You asked…

I've had several people ask me, "What do you think about while you're running?"

At first I thought "Think? I can't even breathe....much less think...?"

I ran 5 miles last night for the very first time, a strong 5 miles.....not the cheater cheater pumpkin eater kind ;) haha!

So I thought THIS would be a good time to tell you guys what someone like me thinks while she is running her first 5 miles.

Have a seat...it takes me a looooong time to run 5 miles so there is a lot of thinkin' happenin':

Here we go:

"Why is Isabel going so fast..."

"Wait maybe I'm going too fast..."

"Relax your shoulders..."

"The weather is sooooo nice...."

"Why did I bring this big water bottle....?"

"Jesus protect my left knee-Yea THAT ONE"

"I love Prince"

"That's a cute house"

"OH sweet MARY who is cookin' bar b q chicken!?"

"I'm not going to look at my Garmin until that white truck up there..."

"burp"

"seriously we have only ran a mile and a half..."

"Is Kristy talking to me?"

"I'm so glad I didn't lose my music when I got my new phone"

"Don't you stop Melissa"

"Jesus, does me finishing 5 miles make you proud?'

"What kind of status should I put up..."

"People hate when I put up statuses about running"

"I don't care....eeewwwww I just swallowed a bug..."

"....um why do I do this.....? seriously do I think THIS will change me....will running make me a better person?"

"oh stop Melissa....you run because it's healthy...."

"Damn Isabel runs fast."

"a jacket? I have a jacket on....I bet people think it's a running jacket...nope I wore it to work, it works though."

"Thank you Jesus for helping me close that deal today-it felt good"

"Will Kyleigh be proud that I finish 5 miles-my sister will be....she thinks I can do anything"

"OK I will look at my Garmin when I get to that overly decorated house"

"Wonder if my husband will run?"

"Ricky Jackson is HOT-wonder if he runs?"

"I'm hungry.."

"I hope when I weigh in this week I've lost like 5 pounds..."

"3 miles? wow....a 5k....and no free tshirt...cool..."

"Brass Monkey that funkey junkey...."

"Junkey...? hahahah sounds funny."

"I love when Kristy says I may need new shoes-its like a prescription...."

"Almost 4 miles"

"Act like you are running 7 miles"

SAID THIS OUT LOUD: "Hey guys does it even look like I'm running?"

"hahahahaa"

"I'm numb. I wonder what I look like?"

"I cant wait until my shadow gets smaller"

"I have worked so hard"

"Seriously these women care about me-look at them waiting for us to finish"

"I wonder if that song Grenade came out before or after Jersey Shore started getting popular?"

"oooo I may be getting gassy, I know everyone says its OK...but seriously if I ever toot while running....I WILL JUST DIE of embarrassment"

"4.7 miles....ME? seriously...."

"Jesus did you ever run?"

"why would I ask that..."

"my knees hurt bad"

"keep moving your feet-Melissa"

"4.9 can we just stop....?"

"hey let's go another mile....seriously I could"

"5 miles.....oooooo wow I didn't stop. Isabel didn't stop...we kept going....we are so good at running"

Ok so there ya go...

Tomorrow I will share with you the thoughts in my head while in the car driving home.

And if you guys are lucky....I will share "the next morning"

Not Best Friends Anymore

Me: "I cant have carbs, dairy or sugar...right now!"

Concerned co-worker: " Oh goooosh I'm sooooo sorry....what are you eating-are you ok?"

This made me giggle.

Let me make myself very very clear- I AM NOT HUNGRY...I am actually very satisfied.

Food Addiction is a serious thing, so if you are battling it THIS IS NOT ME MAKING FUN of it-it's me sharing my thoughts and experiences on that topic...because I can relate.

I eat to make myself happy. Not for fuel.

A bunch of taco bell puts me in a good mood.

The smell of Subway bread makes me excited...and happy.

I have gotten bad news before and INSTANTLY gone and ordered a pizza and ate it all.

This is a doozie: (not a double doozie cookie-justa a doozie):

I have eaten food ON THE WAY to a restaurant before and still ordered a full meal...I wanted to feel MY KIND OF FULL...not just the normal full.

I think about food every second of the day.

I have a problem.

Well-I went to a wellness Dr. and a physiologist and as she talked about ME and MY issues...I of course was thinking:

"UGH I should have eaten something HUGE on the way...here..."

They were creating this PLAN for me....

First I had to Detox...with Medicine...No sugar, No Carbs and No Dairy....

they want to find out if I have any food allergies....

"Uh NO WONDER I swell (get fat) when I eat... YES! Ok well can I go now??"

They never laughed at my JOKES.

The do however-email, text and call me almost hourly

The first 4 days of this were so sad.

I was actually sad.

I have had 2 break-ups in my life and I'm not sure I cried as hard as I did when I had to break up with my BEST FRIENDS Carb, Sugar AND Dairy.

I cried in my bed....with the lights off. (Lifetime Movie style)

I literally had to put my armor on every morning and fight against this.

I had body aches....shakes....and a 4 day headache.

It was dark around me.

I wanted popcorn.

Day 4 as I was getting into my car (yes I had to work through all this) my sister called:

"Hey how's it goin...?"

I yelled at her....I cried....I actually had to pull over my car....This was a fight that i would lose.

She gave me strict instructions:

1. You will take breaks at work.

2. You need to eat as much MEAT and VEGGIES as you can.

3. Pray

4. Take walks around your parking lot and look UP.

5. YOU WILL win this....

She has a way of making you listen...all of a sudden I felt safe. I felt strong.

The next day....OH THE NEXT DAY....

I felt so different...the Drs. said my 5th day would be my worst-NOT WITH GOD....! I felt 'in control' I prepared my food and took walks and just loved myself for even trying!

Today I feel good. I have sad moments...but I think of Jesus and all the things He did for me and how sad He must feel when I go to food and NOT Him.

I am a work in progress.

Mother the crap out of your kids

This year I want an Apple Watch for Mother's Day----the most expensive gift I've ever asked for since being a Mom....and I REALLY want it.

I even sent a group text to Kyleigh and her Dad-I giggled the whole time writing it.

This has been the hardest year of Mothering for me. 

No late night drama.

No back talk

NO rolling of the eyes...

No Leaving dishes in the sink...

No coming home late.... 

No bad grades and teacher conferences....

No teenage drama-NONE.

I didn't MOTHER this year. 

"I DID NOT MOTHER this YEAR".....does that sentence even make sense?

Now---I know what most of you are thinking ----

"Melissa you are always mother'ing---we never stop....our kids will always need us...."

I hear you! I know you are right. In my right mind I KNOW you are right.

But in my Empty Nest Mind----you are not correct.

I was not needed this year in the same ways. Sure...I got asked 524186 times what her Social Security number was, BY HER! (haha)

I got phone calls telling me how good her food was at the dining hall...

I even got phone calls thanking me for teaching her how to do "stuff..."

I didn't get to over hear her telling a friend "it will be ok---Jesus loves you and understands..." 

I didn't get to yell at her ONCE!!! Not once did I get to ask her about her homework.

OH and NOT ONCE----NOT even once did I get to get angry at her PHONE use.

I never got to pick up her laundry. 

Mothering was different this year.....NO one tells you how HARD it will be....yes---we are told how sad it can be and how much you will miss the kids. BUT MOTHERING WILL BE HARD! 

No--I was never told that.

Hearing your kid figure stuff out WITHOUT your input can be gut wrenching---I felt it--I know.

Hearing your kid say "Mom I need to see you...." is sweet (yes) but not when it's a 10 hour drive. (thank you Chris for flying her out that weekend...you'll never know what it did for our souls...) 

Hearing her say "I need to seek out some older women---I need older women in my life, they are good for me..." 

"Wait I'm an OLDER WOMAN..."....raising my hand like a 1st grader...!

"I'm old and stuff.....SEEK ME OUT!!!"

Mothers "Mother'ing" today...this week.....this year.

.....MOTHER....

Mother the crap out of your kids!!!

I know that's a little blunt----but GO ALL IN....Don't apologize for it. Be goofy....TALK TO THEM..ask them questions...MOST of ALL---listen to their sweet voices....watch the eye rolls. Smell the dirty clothes. M O T H E R!!!!!

oh and don't compare your MOTHERING....it WILL take you away from MOTHER'ING before you know it.....all you are doing is watching and not DOING. 

Maybe one day YOU will also want an AppleWatch...because you just feel like getting through the first year of NOT Mothering is a miracle!

Maybe you won't----and that's ok....I just needed to write about it!

Happy Mother's day.....now go out there and MOTHER!!!

Online Mating or is it Dating

Whew...THAT WAS CLOSE!

I almost signed up on a dating site.

Just now...like...I even posted a picture.

And when it came to the part where I had to describe my perfect mate...I laughed!

Perfect Mate? Mate? Who calls it that anymore?

Anyway all this made me think:

"Do I REALLY want to start dating?"

I have NOT been on a date in more than a year. Crazy huh? Now before you look at your mate while reading this and say something like "awe babe we have to find her someone...." DON'T....I am not sad about this.

I question this "non-sadness" a lot. While others are questioning "WHY ME? Why can't I FIND MY MATE...?" I question..."Lord why am I not seeking my mate? Why am I not worried?"

Don't get me wrong there are about 4 times a year when I have a moment of..."hhhmmm wonder when I will get THAT..." It's usually after spending a GREAT evening with all my fun married friends....YES I am that chick...I love watching married people...not in a creepy way but in a healthy way...I enjoy watching 2 very different people figure stuff out. I even like a good disagreement every once and awhile.

It's healthy.

I love watching these 2 people disagree and then walk by each other about 21 minutes later and kiss each other...and smile.

You see, I never got to see healthy marriages while growing up. I say marriages (plural) because I saw a lot of them. My family kinda did it for sport. I say that in a silly manner but it's true. We quit a lot.

I digress.

Let's get back to this dating phenomenon.

I see it like this:

I trust the Lord 100%

I trust Him with my finances.

My health.

My home

My Daughter

My family

My career

Why in the world would I doubt Him when it comes to my love life? What a slap in His face if I do. 

So I don't.

I thank Him....I even giggle sometimes in excitement....thinking this man MY MATE is going to be so ready for me and I for him. Jesus is working on us both. We will not be perfect but we will be ready.

Ready. READY. What a sweet word that is not taken too seriously anymore. Well it is when it comes to food and that's about it. "Dinner's ready, yall!"

Even babies aren't allowed to stay in the womb until they are ready to come out....we RUSH everything.

Jesus does everything in perfect timing. He does things when He is ready.

"Lord, I am ready when you are. I trust you. I will always have my lip gloss ready (just in case) Thank you for seeing every part of my life as an important part....!"

Interviewing

I am a good interviewer. I know all the tricks. I have trained people on the ART of Interviewing

Nice Suit "check"

Not too much perfume "check"

Resume "check"

Know what I'm interviewing FOR "check"

Cell phone OFF "check"

NO food in teeth or on shirt "check"

Research the company the night before "check"

Have 3 questions about the company READY "check"

Try not to do "the BIG laugh" YET "check"

Ok so I'm ready and prepared, you would think! NOTHING and I repeat NOTHING could have prepared me for the interview that I was about to have.

This interview was the quietest interview, no questions were asked and no research was needed! It was the first time ever, that I already HAD the job, I already won over the interviewer now all I had to do was figure out what my job was.

Listening-sounds easy enough, huh? Well when you have prepared the way I have for the past 15 years...listening is done AFTER you land the perfect position. As a Christian I have learned that listening happens FIRST. He will tell you exactly what to do and when to do it-IF and when you can master the ART of listening.

My interviewer is God, by the way.

He has stopped me in my tracks and has taken me on an amazing tour of my new office, he has introduced to my new colleagues...he has shown me the break room and where my new desk is. He wrote a training manual JUST FOR ME, I am super excited about that! He even highlighted some special parts in red just FOR ME. He knows I am nervous, so he checks on me often. Some would call Him a micro-manager, but I am kinda gettin' used to it. I have made mistakes and he forgives me, then puts a trainer right in front of me to help me be better at my job. NOW, this job is hard but the benefits are AMAZING. Medical, Dental and Vision were all given to me free and clear, who knew mercy and grace would part of the package? He matches my 401K as long as I respect it and don't expect it.

I can work from home anytime I want-he actually prefers it. He even promotes "bring your kid to work" day! Our Christmas party this year will BE AMAZING I'm sure.

I love my new job.

This job is recession proof. I can't get laid off or fired. I am His worker and as long as I have ears to listen and a mouth to speak my job is 100% secure, Praise God.

Embarrassed but inspired

"I did my first 5k because of you...."

"Well I'm training for a Half Marathon all because of you Melissa"

"I LOST 23 pounds....you have inspired me...."

"Every time I think about giving up I think of you-and I KEEP GOING...."

These are just a couple of the statements I have heard in the past 9 months. They make me cringe now. I used to take them in and feel a sense of accomplishment.

Not lately.

"If I can inspire all these people why can't I inspire myself...?"

"What a joke I am"

"Well at least I got a bunch of people excited about their lives again..."

I have tons of great excuses-really-they are amazing!

Here it goes, ya ready? Have a seat. Cuz they are deep.

I am moving. I am moving.

Yep that's it....that's been my big excuse. I'm moving....!! Seriously how ironic is that statement...?

I'm moving but haven't moved a muscle in 2 and half months...because I'm changing my address.

While packing I touched every running bib and medal...still in awe of myself....still picturing ME at every finish line and all of my sweet supporters.

I have gained 20 pounds since the Houston Half Marathon. If I was being honest I would say I gained all of that 45 mins. after the race. CUZ I WAS HUNGRY and felt like it was owed to me. "I earned that bad food..."

Owed to me? That statement makes me sick....it makes me so angry....but it's a statement that creeps into my mind almost weekly. Don't get me wrong I never say it out loud. NEVER....but something in my head whispers it. I'm not sure I even believe it....

(wow what a mess)

I pray.

Jesus shows up and provides a house that is right in front of running trail. He is so sweet-He gently reminds me of how strong I am and that I just took a break...and that the 20 pounds is not symbolic of any new character flaw it's a set back and that is it! He is stern but loving and says..."You are my beautiful daughter...you will run again and you will run faster and longer and love it even more..."

I miss running.

With all of this I am learning that life is a journey.

I should write Hallmark cards-I know! :)

What I mean is....I am not getting ready for a big race. I am not trying to lose weight for a wedding/high school reunion/hot date/swimsuit season!

Life change is harder than getting ready for any function you feel you need to impress someone at.

Life change is harder.

I have chosen to not conform to a lot of ways of this world. I parent differently than the world does, I live my life differently....so why can't I change this one area?

So here I sit.

Excited to run tonight after work.

I will run in my Neighborhood.

The Neighborhood He provided.

Signed,

New Runner (again)

Frends

I know I spelled Friends wrong.

BUT I think we should take the "I" out of the word and out of the relationship.

Have you ever lost a frend? I don't mean by death or a huge fight? I mean you just lost a frend.....?

Doesn't happen very often.

or does it?

I remember having a best frend when I was 5. She played with me and met me at the corner of our street...her mom made the best toast ever because she used WHITE BREAD....we only had BROWN bread.....she made me laugh and I made her laugh. We lost touch....because I moved away and we just never stayed in touch-we were 5. I think about her often, though.

Things were simple.

Being a friend is complicated.

Especially now that we have "facebook frends" you know the ones who just read your page but never say anything to you in person....or the ones who never comment on your page so you really have no idea they are ever there...THEN you see them:

"How was your trip...?"

"Sorry you had a headache 2 weeks ago..."

"So what ever happen to....."

They know everything about you and you seriously couldn't tell them their name, well let me correct that you know their maiden or middle name but can't remember their first name.

Sad huh?

Now before you delete me as a "facebook frend" I love Facebook and love the connection it helps me have with family and frends.

I think Facebook can mess up frendships. There! I said it.

When you have ONE frend that doesn't have Facebook, things can get even more complicated.

She knows nothing about your life, she never gets to see the random pictures you post, she never gets to see where you 'check-in', when you change your look she is the last to know. She doesn't know any of this unless.......(here's the crazy part).....YOU CALL HER.

I haven't shared life with her.

I post my life on Facebook.

I seem to care more about my status on Facebook.

I keep in touch with frends who don't even care about me.

Have I been a good frend?

See why I want to take the "I" out of friends?

Melissa Age 38

"I want Velcro shoes so I can do them all by myself..." -Kyleigh Isaac age 3

It happens. They want to do stuff all by themselves. 

I love my mom and know she did the best she could-I truly believe that.

I do believe she stopped raising me at the age of 17. I could do all things by myself. She didn't need to do anything else. She was a single Mom, now she could have the freedom we all lose the minute we have a child. She could stay at work late and not have to worry about picking me up from various places.She could hand me a $20 and know that she did her part.

I think this is why I am paralyzed when I think of Kyleigh doing life without me in the driver's seat. (literally)

I have had the pleasure of driving her everywhere.

The car ride became something more than just a ride somewhere. 

Conversations started:

"Mom-where do homeless people walk? I mean they have nowhere to go...why do they walk fast?" Age 8

"Mom-I just counted 11 brown trucks and only 3 of them were light brown" Age 5

"Mom-why would someone sing about a tootsie roll?" Age 9

"Mom-can we have Cici's pizza?" Age 9

"Hey Mom-I need to tell you something and you are going to be so sad with me.....Mom-I said a cuss word in my head today at lunch." Age 10

"Mom-What do other people do on Sundays I can't believe we used to not go to church, I love it!" Age 10

"Mom-can you turn the radio up?" Age 11

"Mom----------never mind." Age 12

"Mom I seriously cannot believe you were right about that guy. How do you know stuff like that?" Age 13

"Mom I think it's neat how Jesus has us BOTH single at the same time so we can relate to each other better-easier..." Age 14

"Mom- is it weird that I have my permit?" Age 15

"Mom-really....do I drive good....?" Age 15

"Mom-I can't believe you think Bruno Mars is sexy..." Age 15

"Mom-I told my friend we could go eat and stuff tomorrow like without you...just me and her........I mean you can come if you want....." Age 16

"Mom this is going to be weird. I'm gonna miss you in the morning...." Age 16

Conversations will continue. Just in different places.

I had to learn when I first became a Christian-YOU DON'T JUST TALK TO JESUS AT THE CHURCH.

I will not stop raising Kyleigh. I will meet her where she is. 

I will ask Jesus, "How do you do it? How do you continue to raise me even though I am 38? How do you meet me where I am? Teach me O'Lord."

He is the parent and I am the babysitter. 

First published in 2012